Dearest Gracee, 

Yup, you! I just realized that although I love writing letters and sending cards to my loved ones and friends, I never wrote to myself before, ever. I did have a diary but I only write important and memorable times in my life. Now I realized I never wrote and ask myself how are you self? How are you coping up? 

Let me start this letter to you, my dear self by asking how have you been? You've been on a roller coaster journey this past few years and indeed it was quite remarkable how you still manage to stand tall and smile despite of all the chaos that's been happening around you.

Illustration by Marvin Romero, especially created for my very own story "Angelina" under Atlas Publication c/o Ms. Terry Bagalso 

Remember this story about "Angelina" that  you created back when you are still an  Editorial Assistant in Atlas Publishing? It was never published but you enjoyed doing it because it mirrored your sheltered life when you were still young and how you wished now, that you're still a child because all of those happy times, will be just a memory. 

Looking back at your childhood, you seem to be full of spirit, ready to face the world because you know that life will always be colorful but you were not prepared that life hits hard once you became an adult.

You were pushed to the limits, you were able to graduate as a working student because you strived hard and things just turned upside down. You needed to get out of your comfort zone even though you're an only child because the laid back life you once had is now gone. You've experienced almost everything you wanted back in your glory days and you've also lost it all suddenly and maybe in the most cruel and heart wrenching way - material things and some loved ones who nurtured you to become who you are now.

Life is not a straight line, there are ups and downs. It is a series of twists and turns, hills and valleys, with both smooth-sailing and rough seas.

This is the perfect time to say I'M SORRY to you my dear self for not being able to be strong enough in times that you wish to give up because of your insecurities, your weakness, your grief, your losses, and many other things that made you wish that you were never born. Those mental struggles are the hardest and I was not strong enough to encourage, support and appreciate you my dear self, for that I apologize.

I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have done quite a good job to stay alive. Despite the economic crisis then the COVID-19 pandemic, you managed to rise above the state of despair and depression despite the fact that you know you have a battle deep within you - a battle with ME, YOURSELF and your health condition (asthma and allergies). 

This pandemic can be a big loss to you, having multiple decisions, obligations and dreams that once you were still hoping then end up saying never and maybe but look at you now, you are stronger than you realized and even though there are many moments of pain and grief for losing your loved ones this time of pandemic, you go through it and pray for it because life is meant to be a journey not a stop over. 

This past year may be extremely hard for you but have you noticed how much this crisis in your life changed you? You've improved much my dear self, you've tolerated the struggles in your life into something that can make you a stronger person so that more people can lean on you for support and you can inspire more people around you. This tragic times made you even more SELF-LESS.  You selflessly contribute your time, efforts and (even the little money left in your GCash/PayMaya) money to help others who are much more in need than you. Even though your wallet feels a lot lighter and poorer, your soul is much more happier and lighter. 

I can never be more happier to see this beautiful transition in you Gracee because your soul is glowing and it's a phase in your life that is notable. Keep it going! 

Thank you for not giving up. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through.

As I am writing this letter to you my dear self, you are still grasping for what will happen in the future, you are still clueless what will unfold for you so for now, enjoy your present and look back to those times that made you happy and cry in tears then move forward, slowly if you want. Remember that underneath those dark clouds, a rainbow will emerge and the sun is also lurking behind. 

We all go through a phase in life that differs from one another but don't let this stage in your life break you and stop you from dreaming and hoping for a new beginning because Life doesn't end there. Amidst all the struggles, we should all learn to SURVIVE. I am Brave, I am Tough, I am unbreakable. Let this be your mantra. You got this. 

Although 2020 may be the worst year for some, it's a year of enlightenment for you. It was a year that made you realize that God really never left your side since Day 1 and was always there through the good times and the sad times. Whatever your story is, make it a best-seller, because we only have one shot to live. Make it worth while. 

You are always loved, my dear self. 

Above all else, don't lose me...yourself.